For a long time I wanted to forget how to speak Chinese. It made me different when what I wanted was to fit in. It wasn’t until I began visiting Taiwan when I was a little older that I became aware of how important my first language was. I struggled to communicate with my family beyond the superficial small talk. I wanted to ask my grandmother about her life, but stumbled to find the words. Without Chinese, a connection to my heritage would be broken. Now, my grandmother has passed, but I have made a commitment to study Chinese to keep the connection alive.